Hi Ishmael! Thank you very much for sharing your story. The staging, with Baldo right there, is very beautiful. I think the most remarkable and important thing is that, as we saw in the workshop, you really want to tell this story, and that translates into an energy and joy that is contagious. Therefore, they make you want to keep listening. Also, the device you created to tell a new story from the original (the star) works very well and gives it dynamism. I congratulate you!
I have some suggestions and observations, which I hope will be useful to you. The first one is very technical and boring, ha, but we see the screen upside down and your book goes from right to left, which looks a little weird at first. I don't know much about cameras or recordings, but I'm sure it won't be difficult to put the camera in such a way that we see the story moving in the right direction.
In this staging, it is very good that you tell us from the beginning that you are the character of the book (because Baldomera is by your side, so it makes sense). But if you were telling it with a live audience, I think it would work very well to reveal at the end of the story that you are Ishmael. This would also allow you to tell the story in the third person without getting confused between saying "I" and "Ishmael", and therefore, it will be less confusing for the listener.
Finally, we must remember that during almost the entire story, the one who is asking himself the questions about where Ismael is is Baldomera. What's confusing is because, since you already revealed that you are Ishmael, it's hard to forget that you do know where you were, do you understand? On the other hand, if he was in the third person all the time, it is easier for us to remember that it is Baldomera who is asking the questions. Here I advise that, for each of Baldo's guesses about where Ismael might be, you repeat some gesture, a gesture that only belongs to Baldomera and that reminds us that it is she who is thinking (scratching her chin, looking to the side, braying -but subtle , nothing exaggerated- or something like that.
For the rest, the story works very well and you already have the most important thing: expressiveness and desire to tell.
Hugs, it was great listening to you.
Andrew
@andrescuentero thank you so much for everything. To begin with, thanks for the course because I honestly did not expect it to give me so much. I have taken many tips throughout the course. I'm not a professional, so you don't know what has helped me realize countless details. In addition, it has also helped me to have even more desire, to motivate myself as a storyteller and to know how to reach the little ones better.
Regarding what you are telling me now about how to focus the storyteller, it seems like a super good idea to me. I have already told it many times in front of boys and girls and I did just the opposite. The first thing he did to capture the attention of the children is to tell that I am the character in the story. But the approach you've given me seems super cool and original, in addition to what you say: it makes the story easier to follow.
So I'm going to apply everything you tell me and give it a spin. Any suggestion you have is welcome. I already follow you online, so whatever... I'm here, and if you ever come to Malaga (south of Spain), I'll be here to welcome you.
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displayname9920345
Professeur PlusHi Ishmael! Thank you very much for sharing your story. The staging, with Baldo right there, is very beautiful. I think the most remarkable and important thing is that, as we saw in the workshop, you really want to tell this story, and that translates into an energy and joy that is contagious. Therefore, they make you want to keep listening. Also, the device you created to tell a new story from the original (the star) works very well and gives it dynamism. I congratulate you!
I have some suggestions and observations, which I hope will be useful to you. The first one is very technical and boring, ha, but we see the screen upside down and your book goes from right to left, which looks a little weird at first. I don't know much about cameras or recordings, but I'm sure it won't be difficult to put the camera in such a way that we see the story moving in the right direction.
In this staging, it is very good that you tell us from the beginning that you are the character of the book (because Baldomera is by your side, so it makes sense). But if you were telling it with a live audience, I think it would work very well to reveal at the end of the story that you are Ishmael. This would also allow you to tell the story in the third person without getting confused between saying "I" and "Ishmael", and therefore, it will be less confusing for the listener.
Finally, we must remember that during almost the entire story, the one who is asking himself the questions about where Ismael is is Baldomera. What's confusing is because, since you already revealed that you are Ishmael, it's hard to forget that you do know where you were, do you understand? On the other hand, if he was in the third person all the time, it is easier for us to remember that it is Baldomera who is asking the questions. Here I advise that, for each of Baldo's guesses about where Ismael might be, you repeat some gesture, a gesture that only belongs to Baldomera and that reminds us that it is she who is thinking (scratching her chin, looking to the side, braying -but subtle , nothing exaggerated- or something like that.
For the rest, the story works very well and you already have the most important thing: expressiveness and desire to tell.
Hugs, it was great listening to you.
Andrew
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displayname9356424
@andrescuentero thank you so much for everything. To begin with, thanks for the course because I honestly did not expect it to give me so much. I have taken many tips throughout the course. I'm not a professional, so you don't know what has helped me realize countless details. In addition, it has also helped me to have even more desire, to motivate myself as a storyteller and to know how to reach the little ones better.
Regarding what you are telling me now about how to focus the storyteller, it seems like a super good idea to me. I have already told it many times in front of boys and girls and I did just the opposite. The first thing he did to capture the attention of the children is to tell that I am the character in the story. But the approach you've given me seems super cool and original, in addition to what you say: it makes the story easier to follow.
So I'm going to apply everything you tell me and give it a spin. Any suggestion you have is welcome. I already follow you online, so whatever... I'm here, and if you ever come to Malaga (south of Spain), I'll be here to welcome you.
A huge hug and thanks again for the course.
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