Well done. It's am enjoyable read, and a unique storyworld. I think you can get to the action of the scene faster, as there is a lot at the top that repeats. There are also moments you can show us rather than tell us what she's thinking and feeling. Use that first paragraph to establish the feeling, conflict, then move us forward in the story with how she addresses this problem of being in that place.
You can also show some things in action rather than tell us:
She felt hopeless and helpless. She sensed she was vulnerable in the midst of that flat, teeming with caliginous darkness. She was confused and worried more for her unknown whereabouts and her potential kidnapper than her developing increasingly tenuous awakening side effects.
You can show us her confusion if her eyes dart around, and we don't need to know she felt hopeless and helpless, as we can get that sense from an action to.
It's great though, and these points are generally for redrafting anyway. The key is brevity though, so always aim to make the dramatic point and then move on.
@alberto_loredo Yes. For the genre and tone, there is a certain amount of world that is necessary to communicate, and you do it well without it blocking the character, as it informs their drive and journey as we're going to join it. Well done.
@mboutroswrites Thank you so much. This course really helped me to flesh out my main character and the entire cast of secondary and tertiary characters of my story.
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displayname6423583
Professeur PlusWell done. I'll read this in the next week and looking forward to it!
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displayname6423583
Professeur PlusWell done. It's am enjoyable read, and a unique storyworld. I think you can get to the action of the scene faster, as there is a lot at the top that repeats. There are also moments you can show us rather than tell us what she's thinking and feeling. Use that first paragraph to establish the feeling, conflict, then move us forward in the story with how she addresses this problem of being in that place.
You can also show some things in action rather than tell us:
She felt hopeless and helpless. She sensed she was vulnerable in the midst of that flat, teeming with caliginous darkness. She was confused and worried more for her unknown whereabouts and her potential kidnapper than her developing increasingly tenuous awakening side effects.
You can show us her confusion if her eyes dart around, and we don't need to know she felt hopeless and helpless, as we can get that sense from an action to.
It's great though, and these points are generally for redrafting anyway. The key is brevity though, so always aim to make the dramatic point and then move on.
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displayname4523769
@mboutroswrites The OnePager draft was good for the main character in terms of character development?
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displayname6423583
Professeur Plus@alberto_loredo Yes. For the genre and tone, there is a certain amount of world that is necessary to communicate, and you do it well without it blocking the character, as it informs their drive and journey as we're going to join it. Well done.
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@mboutroswrites Thank you so much. This course really helped me to flesh out my main character and the entire cast of secondary and tertiary characters of my story.
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displayname11278442
I loved you work!! I want to read more.
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