A tale of her
de user2247493 surname2247493 @permalink2247493
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Foreword
Funny thing, the human experience. It is essentially a series of events—some great, some unfortunate—and when they are unfortunate, we seek a villain outside of ourselves to blame, be it the moon or the rain. But perhaps it’s the name of the game. Perhaps we all have good and bad things happen to us, because it’s meant to. Everything that goes up must come down. Affirmations for positivity are lovely, and necessary. However, what are they without the recognition of all the negatives that caused your prayers for the opposite? What is the light in this world without recognition of the darkness? What is the Yang without its Yin or the Yin without its Yang?
I’ve always been a writer at heart, and lately I’ve written a lot of poems while processing these events of my human experience. I’ve decided to share these poems, along with the story that led me to write them. Within these stories, I seek to recognize the good, the bad, and everything in between. For it is my opinion that they all form us, and they all have their place in this world. I hope that by sharing these stories, I can inspire you to have peace with the events in your life. I hope I inspire you to bask in your unique essence and take back your power.
The events you are about to read have certainly shaped me, and the woman I am, or rather, the woman that I am becoming. This is her tale; these are our stories.
Her death
My story of recent human experience starts here: in a relationship coming to its inevitable end. During this period, tensions were high between my partner and I. Even though there was always some form of tension present, this last year, it felt as if every other word out of my partner's mouth was criticism of anything and everything that made up my being. The list was long. The way I dressed was too plain. The way I acted in public was too reserved. My body was not tight enough and I had cellulite. My friends were few, and they weren’t always hanging around my house. I didn’t kiss nor fuck like her previous lovers. I didn’t want to dance, as instructed, and I didn’t twerk to her rhythm.
And there I stood, day in and day out, accepting all the disapproval, all the attacks on my person, until I started thinking there was truly something wrong with me. While I am in no way claiming to be perfect, it was fucked up to have convinced myself that those harsh words were out of love. But I did—I had put myself under a spell of wanting to achieve perfection, just to be accepted by the one I love. Until one day, the spell was broken, and I set myself free. Sure, I was heartbroken, but I could finally see the wreckage that I came to be. I don’t know how to explain the intense sensation of pain I felt after the break up. It was as if every insult I took in was shots fired at me, but I was too numb to feel them before.
4 comentários
displayname1597321
Professor PlusHello, Radinka! Congratulations on finishing the course and thank you for sharing your project. I hope what we've discussed here will be useful to you going forward.
Before I give you some comments about your story, let me tell you one important thing. Even if I don't refer specifically to some aspects of your work you care the most about, or if some of my observations are about the ways in which your story could still be improved, please remember everything that follows is meant to be constructive criticism. My intention is helping you in the task of refining your work and find your own voice, so to speak, as a storyteller. Also, please bear in mind you don't have any obligation with regards to what anyone says about your work: you can accept or reject any suggestion you receive, including mine.
First, I could discern a tone in your writing and I liked it very much. When you're reading works by novice writers, it's usual for them to be still in the process of achieving full command of the written language, so any talk about style is out of place, even if they think otherwise. They need to work more on the basics before one can really gauge their intentions and technique based on what they've written. You're beyond that stage: congratulations!
Now, what I see in your writing is a reflective attitude towards the world, a trait that fiction and essay writers share; a tendency to use the facts and occurrences of your characters (or yourself) as springboards to brief, analytical passages where an observation about life in general can be made or at least hinted at. This is actually a very popular way of writing nowadays; however, most people don't take into account that such a technique can make the text "colder", that is, give the reader the impression that the author is pontificating to them from a haughty, self-centered position. You can elude this trap if you keep exposing the vulnerabilities of your characters, because that "warms up" the text, making it more relatable to your readers' experiences.
I would have liked to read more about the world you were constructing. Is this a part of some bigger text? If not, you consider expanding it to tell a fuller story. I recommend you read some fiction or non-fiction that deals with inner lives and human fragility, such as Rivka Galchen's Everyone Knows Your Mother Is a Witch or Jeanette Winterson's Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?
Thank you, once again. I wish you success in your future endeavors.
@maanarak
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displayname2247493
@albertochimal Thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate it. It is indeed part of my first published book, with short story, poetry, and artwork. This is why I didn't share everything here. I would love to send you the full work, but I would have to send it via email.
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displayname1597321
Professor Plus@maanarak Thank you, Radinka. I'm sorry to say I wouldn't have the time to read your work and give some feedback to you, because I have too much work. But in any case, since it's already published, is there a link where I could purchase it later on?
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displayname2247493
@albertochimal I completely understand. No pasa nada! :) Here you have a link to my website with info about the retail of the book https://www.maanarak.art/shop
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