It's a great set up. Boy out for revenge to win respect of his father, but needs to find respect and acceptance within himself. If he is desperate for his father's approval and respect, then I think the decision to leave needs to connect more strongly. At the moment his father doesn't approve, but he goes anyway, and if anything, this would make their relationship worse, but his goal is to make it better. It only requires a small fix, and perhaps it's a case of showing how demotivated and empty his father is, and perhaps seeing his father break down one night, goes without telling him. What if their approaches to loss and revenge were markedly different. The father, fearful of how the community is, wants to just carry on, while Thomas, wants justice, and isn't as aware of the way the world works like his father? His father is stuck in a set mindset about the world, while Thomas has the naivety to see outside of it. Feel free to ignore any suggestions, as they're just thoughts based on my reactions to reading.
You don't need to give away much about Travis, as you want to keep it secret, but some context would help the reader. As the one pager is designed to get a potential agent/ publisher interested, they need a bit more information.
Thomas has a great journey to go on. I think act two will need some thinking around the quest for revenge and what it makes Thomas think and feel about himself. What are the important moments that help him to value himself? Through meeting the people he meets, how does it make him question his approach and values? You mention folklore and the church later in the outline. You can contextualise them more in act two.
it sounds exciting and reads well. Good luck with it!
Your reflections and your ideas are really precious to me.
I will work to develop and enrich the themes you have pointed out to me, such as strengthening the bond that pushes Thomas to leave.
Thank you for designing this stimulating and enriching course.
Heartfelt thanks for everything!
Ps Travis is one of the members of the band of outlaws who killed Thomas's mother, whom he runs into during the mission. In a passage in history, Thomas will have the choice of whether to "condemn him" or "forgive him" for what he has done.
@grunello That sounds great. And giving Thomas the choice will lead to a very powerful moment that tells us a lot about him as a person. Well done and good luck! It's been a pleasure to read your ideas
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Prowadzący PlusWell done on completing the project. I'll read it this weekend!
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Thank you very much, Mark!
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Prowadzący PlusIt's a great set up. Boy out for revenge to win respect of his father, but needs to find respect and acceptance within himself. If he is desperate for his father's approval and respect, then I think the decision to leave needs to connect more strongly. At the moment his father doesn't approve, but he goes anyway, and if anything, this would make their relationship worse, but his goal is to make it better. It only requires a small fix, and perhaps it's a case of showing how demotivated and empty his father is, and perhaps seeing his father break down one night, goes without telling him. What if their approaches to loss and revenge were markedly different. The father, fearful of how the community is, wants to just carry on, while Thomas, wants justice, and isn't as aware of the way the world works like his father? His father is stuck in a set mindset about the world, while Thomas has the naivety to see outside of it. Feel free to ignore any suggestions, as they're just thoughts based on my reactions to reading.
You don't need to give away much about Travis, as you want to keep it secret, but some context would help the reader. As the one pager is designed to get a potential agent/ publisher interested, they need a bit more information.
Thomas has a great journey to go on. I think act two will need some thinking around the quest for revenge and what it makes Thomas think and feel about himself. What are the important moments that help him to value himself? Through meeting the people he meets, how does it make him question his approach and values? You mention folklore and the church later in the outline. You can contextualise them more in act two.
it sounds exciting and reads well. Good luck with it!
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Good morning Mark!
Your reflections and your ideas are really precious to me.
I will work to develop and enrich the themes you have pointed out to me, such as strengthening the bond that pushes Thomas to leave.
Thank you for designing this stimulating and enriching course.
Heartfelt thanks for everything!
Ps Travis is one of the members of the band of outlaws who killed Thomas's mother, whom he runs into during the mission. In a passage in history, Thomas will have the choice of whether to "condemn him" or "forgive him" for what he has done.
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Prowadzący Plus@grunello That sounds great. And giving Thomas the choice will lead to a very powerful moment that tells us a lot about him as a person. Well done and good luck! It's been a pleasure to read your ideas
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@mboutroswrites An honor and immense opportunity for me to have your feedback.
Thank you so much for everything Mark!
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