Santiago, I loved your story, it really transported me to that town. And if the narrative that makes you imagine the operation and the theft of the kidney is very well raised, it is a situation that is almost not talked about but it happens.
Thank you and the successes continue.
@aidasedano47 I am very happy that you liked my story, I tried to bring it to life based on what I learned in the course and what I have experienced, in the end I think it turned out very well, better than I expected. If you like, you can add me on Facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/santiago.garcesmoncada.94/ ) I am constantly uploading published material in which you can read more than I write.
Here you can read another of my stories, with this I won first place in the 2020 municipal prize for poetry and short story, I hope you enjoy it:
Hello Santiago. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you. I also congratulate you on the description of your creative process. It will certainly be useful to other people enrolled in the course.
I just read "Farewell tip" and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
What interests me most about your story is that, within its plot, events that seem in fact of several different "genres" come together. The one who ends up reigning is the police, I would say, because the actions that end up encompassing everything have to do with how a crime is committed
(organ theft); however, this is related to the writer's block and his hallucinatory experience, which is never really explained and in itself is quite enigmatic, because it is repeated twice in almost the same way.
That said, it seems to me that there are certain situations within it that I find difficult to believe. I am not saying that they cannot be used, that a story cannot be created from the episodes you create and link, but that certain portions seem less credible to me than others. For example, Isabel's concern once she signed the contract with Chris is understandable, but why did she agree to support him in principle on the basis of a single story? It is not impossible but it is not that easy either. In this case, a solution would be to offer some more information about it
(how extraordinary Chris's work is, what do I know) or less : emphasize that the important thing is the contract and the commitment of the moment, and not how much previous career the writer has. Similarly, it would be necessary to reconsider, at least, the way in which Dr. Drakewort appears on the scene, and why he stalks his possible victims in such a tangled way.
Finally, I recommend that you spend a little more time on your punctuation, and especially on the use of commas. It is very common that we use them as a kind of separator between one part and another of any sentence or phrase, but remember that on certain occasions it is better to use other signs, to suggest more precise intonations or more clearly compartmentalize different portions of the same speech. In this case, it would be necessary, because although there are times when the anguish of your narrator is well supported by a fast speech without pauses, in others we would need a little more pauses, of structure in the sentences, to clearly assimilate what what is happening.
In case you don't know them, I recommend this story , this , this , this other and the novel Nefando by Mónica Ojeda; each of them is related to some aspect of Chris's misadventures. Oh, and also read this other text, where you see a dimension of the subject of dreams that may interest you.
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future endeavors.
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Santiago, I loved your story, it really transported me to that town. And if the narrative that makes you imagine the operation and the theft of the kidney is very well raised, it is a situation that is almost not talked about but it happens.
Thank you and the successes continue.
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displayname5222794
@aidasedano47 I am very happy that you liked my story, I tried to bring it to life based on what I learned in the course and what I have experienced, in the end I think it turned out very well, better than I expected. If you like, you can add me on Facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/santiago.garcesmoncada.94/ ) I am constantly uploading published material in which you can read more than I write.
Here you can read another of my stories, with this I won first place in the 2020 municipal prize for poetry and short story, I hope you enjoy it:
https://www.revistainnombrable.com/2020/12/reflejos-cuento-de-santiago-garces.html?fbclid=IwAR3eN8uFbEu_5HkdQB6Wqr3I69-xrpB88oLMCTpOv5Kz_ymFfdADYdQFKrg
Successes for you too.
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Prowadzący PlusHello Santiago. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you. I also congratulate you on the description of your creative process. It will certainly be useful to other people enrolled in the course.
I just read "Farewell tip" and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
In case you don't know them, I recommend this story , this , this , this other and the novel Nefando by Mónica Ojeda; each of them is related to some aspect of Chris's misadventures. Oh, and also read this other text, where you see a dimension of the subject of dreams that may interest you.
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future endeavors.
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