Hi Denise.
Thank you for getting to the final project of the course and sorry that it took me so long to attend.
You've got a good mix of characters, they're interesting, and I think there's a lot of potential in the way they can build on and modify each other.
However, I think the most important thing I have to tell you is that your dialogue feels like you're in a rush. I mean you get to where you planned to go, but you do it so fast and it feels artificial. And this happens in the two turns that your story takes:
1. When Gabriel arrives at the toy store and the other characters ask him to take them to the party. Here what does not convince me is that Gabriel abandons his goal of getting a gift so soon. It is true that he also mentioned that he needed to go out to work, but he abandons his other objective very easily. And those kinds of objectives are the ones that should beat in our characters all the time.
2. When they decide to go celebrate the birthday instead of going to the party. I won't lie to you, I even thought Gabriel had driven home on purpose.
What can you do to get rid of that "rush"? Well, on the one hand, I can recommend you observe in real life how we propose changes in plans. You may notice that there is usually a very discreet way of introducing the proposal, and a negotiation that tries to show the other person the benefits of taking the new alternative. In this sense, it would be Gabriel who could mention how happy Arabella would be to see the dancer, to meet Beatrice...
You already know where you want to go and that's perfect, now let the characters arrive without you blowing the answers at them.
And one more observation about Beatrice.
She has a moment of doubt about her abilities while they are still in the store, and later, in the taxi, she speaks up about it again. Here I see a problem in that Beatrice expresses herself in the same terms before Delberto and before Gabriel. It's even stranger because with Gabriel he says more about his doubts. I think you are not considering how the characters are modified in the presence of the other characters. Because it is true that when we create a character we design a profile, but that profile is modified when it interacts with other forces.
I think if you consider these points you will be able to handle situations better and find new territory in what the characters say and how they say it.
Once again, thanks for your exercises. I hope that something in this course has been useful to you and that it accompanies you on your way. Have fun.
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Docent PlusHi Denise.
Thank you for getting to the final project of the course and sorry that it took me so long to attend.
You've got a good mix of characters, they're interesting, and I think there's a lot of potential in the way they can build on and modify each other.
However, I think the most important thing I have to tell you is that your dialogue feels like you're in a rush. I mean you get to where you planned to go, but you do it so fast and it feels artificial. And this happens in the two turns that your story takes:
1. When Gabriel arrives at the toy store and the other characters ask him to take them to the party. Here what does not convince me is that Gabriel abandons his goal of getting a gift so soon. It is true that he also mentioned that he needed to go out to work, but he abandons his other objective very easily. And those kinds of objectives are the ones that should beat in our characters all the time.
2. When they decide to go celebrate the birthday instead of going to the party. I won't lie to you, I even thought Gabriel had driven home on purpose.
What can you do to get rid of that "rush"? Well, on the one hand, I can recommend you observe in real life how we propose changes in plans. You may notice that there is usually a very discreet way of introducing the proposal, and a negotiation that tries to show the other person the benefits of taking the new alternative. In this sense, it would be Gabriel who could mention how happy Arabella would be to see the dancer, to meet Beatrice...
You already know where you want to go and that's perfect, now let the characters arrive without you blowing the answers at them.
And one more observation about Beatrice.
She has a moment of doubt about her abilities while they are still in the store, and later, in the taxi, she speaks up about it again. Here I see a problem in that Beatrice expresses herself in the same terms before Delberto and before Gabriel. It's even stranger because with Gabriel he says more about his doubts. I think you are not considering how the characters are modified in the presence of the other characters. Because it is true that when we create a character we design a profile, but that profile is modified when it interacts with other forces.
I think if you consider these points you will be able to handle situations better and find new territory in what the characters say and how they say it.
Once again, thanks for your exercises. I hope that something in this course has been useful to you and that it accompanies you on your way. Have fun.
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