First of all, thanks for sharing your story with us.
I liked your story, the theme of "crying" is universal and so I remembered at the time of a child similar to Nina, and that's good, since many others will also identify. I think you should think of another title, it didn't connect, at least for me, with your narrative so sensitive and beautiful. I also have the feeling that you could develop more dialogues with Isidora and Dona Carla. And to conclude, let's talk about the conclusion. This feature of ending with a reference to the very beginning of the narrative is used a lot, some editors may find it repetitive, others not, we never know, but I think you could finish off your story without using this feature.
Thank you so much, Ilan. Of course it helped! With her eyes and her erudition about children's tales and stories, I'm grateful for the comments. I'll complete with dialogues between Carla and Isidora, look for another end.
My biggest difficulty is rewriting without an outside look, you know?
Write, I write. It comes out in a rush, but rework… I need to learn !!!
I had a doubt about not revealing the reason for Dona Carla's crying, but apparently it is resolved with Nina's phrase "you don't even need to tell me why you're crying". What do you think of this point?
As for the end, it's true, he got a little lazy...
I loved your course, I found it very rich and well structured.
If I can make a suggestion, it would be for you to take a level 2 course, proposing other narrative structures, exploring developments, as you indicate in this first course. The fact of having the pillars to nail the story in a narrative scheme helps a lot, the work of the cards as well. I'm waiting, who knows?
Thanks again, it's beautiful to see your passion for the profession of accountant and writer!
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displayname5445483
Waiting for feedback from the teacher and other participants!
Thanks for the course !!
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displayname3599381
Docent PlusHi, Adriana.
First of all, thanks for sharing your story with us.
I liked your story, the theme of "crying" is universal and so I remembered at the time of a child similar to Nina, and that's good, since many others will also identify. I think you should think of another title, it didn't connect, at least for me, with your narrative so sensitive and beautiful. I also have the feeling that you could develop more dialogues with Isidora and Dona Carla. And to conclude, let's talk about the conclusion. This feature of ending with a reference to the very beginning of the narrative is used a lot, some editors may find it repetitive, others not, we never know, but I think you could finish off your story without using this feature.
I hope I helped.
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displayname5445483
Thank you so much, Ilan. Of course it helped! With her eyes and her erudition about children's tales and stories, I'm grateful for the comments. I'll complete with dialogues between Carla and Isidora, look for another end.
My biggest difficulty is rewriting without an outside look, you know?
Write, I write. It comes out in a rush, but rework… I need to learn !!!
I had a doubt about not revealing the reason for Dona Carla's crying, but apparently it is resolved with Nina's phrase "you don't even need to tell me why you're crying". What do you think of this point?
As for the end, it's true, he got a little lazy...
I loved your course, I found it very rich and well structured.
If I can make a suggestion, it would be for you to take a level 2 course, proposing other narrative structures, exploring developments, as you indicate in this first course. The fact of having the pillars to nail the story in a narrative scheme helps a lot, the work of the cards as well. I'm waiting, who knows?
Thanks again, it's beautiful to see your passion for the profession of accountant and writer!
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displayname7220133
Very good story, Adriana. I loved the chosen theme because, as Ilan commented, it is universal. Certainly many children will identify. =)
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displayname10003135
@adrianakomives What a beautiful story!. Nina realized how hard it is to deal with someone crying congratulations!!!
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