@daniii98 Hi Dani, I love this piece! It's surprising and unexpected, and really draws our attention to the importance of a part of the body that we may not think about enough :) I love the variety of ways the shoulder plays an important part in our lives, from sunburn to love! There are some beautiful lines, especially "no tenía nada más que ansiedad en mi morral" and "cuya tira del vestido se desliza sensualmente, agonizante..." so precisely described. I enjoyed your contributions to the forum, too. Your writing is very visual, as it is with the Oreo cookie story.
If I was to suggest anything for this story, I would say to perhaps include a scene where she imagines herself as a knight, so that you bring the two strands of the story together, the past and the present. Maybe she remembers playing a game as a child, or maybe even as an adult, or maybe even in a dream. Thanks for sharing your work with us and for your participation. I hope you've found the course useful and that it's generated some new stories for you. Un abrazo desde Madrid!
@shaun_levin Thank you very much Shaun! Seeing your comment made my day and week and month haha It really means a lot to receive your feedback and your support in this course. I honestly enjoyed it a lot and I continue to use the strategies and recommendations you provided us, I feel that it will really help me in my writing and it pushes me to write more and try new things. Thanks again for your comment, I really appreciate your words. A hug!
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Insegnante Plus@daniii98 Hi Dani, I love this piece! It's surprising and unexpected, and really draws our attention to the importance of a part of the body that we may not think about enough :) I love the variety of ways the shoulder plays an important part in our lives, from sunburn to love! There are some beautiful lines, especially "no tenía nada más que ansiedad en mi morral" and "cuya tira del vestido se desliza sensualmente, agonizante..." so precisely described. I enjoyed your contributions to the forum, too. Your writing is very visual, as it is with the Oreo cookie story.
If I was to suggest anything for this story, I would say to perhaps include a scene where she imagines herself as a knight, so that you bring the two strands of the story together, the past and the present. Maybe she remembers playing a game as a child, or maybe even as an adult, or maybe even in a dream. Thanks for sharing your work with us and for your participation. I hope you've found the course useful and that it's generated some new stories for you. Un abrazo desde Madrid!
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Plus@shaun_levin Thank you very much Shaun! Seeing your comment made my day and week and month haha It really means a lot to receive your feedback and your support in this course. I honestly enjoyed it a lot and I continue to use the strategies and recommendations you provided us, I feel that it will really help me in my writing and it pushes me to write more and try new things. Thanks again for your comment, I really appreciate your words. A hug!
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Insegnante Plus@daniii98 You're very welcome!
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