Thank you very much! I tried to make it as less obvious as possible but it is very difficult for the reader not to imagine that there is a hidden story. Thank you for your comment, it encourages me to improve my narrative in the future. @ana_l_l_bentz
Hi. Good afternoon. Very well written. The story was very entertaining, it kept my attention until the end. I would suggest checking the punctuation. I am impressed that some paragraphs are related but, nevertheless, you separate them with a full stop and that could cut the sequence of the reading. It's just a detail but I think it can improve the shape.
Congratulations!!
Very nice story! It is a story that I found very tender and charming. I was thinking of various reasons why that portal but I never imagined the end you gave it. I loved.
As the only observation, I consider that in some parts of your text there are points and followed and points and apart from more; just one comma would be enough.
Congratulations on your work!
Hello Angel. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I just read "The photo" and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
all, I congratulate you on a story written with cleanliness, clarity and precision.
I really like that the "magical" event in your story
(improbable, strange, fantastic? It doesn't really matter much) is presented as a happy event. Although the character experiences a physical upon realizing what is happening, the conclusion is neither ominous nor violent. Better still, although the emotional "connection" of father and son is evident, the explanation of the mysterious event is not explicitly said to be a manifestation of filial love, thereby avoiding being cheesy or overly sentimental. Achieving this is not so simple, as it involves a balancing act: it is about balancing a compelling and interesting narrative with a presentation that does not resort to the most simplistic strategies, which unfortunately are the ones that many people learn to expect.
A minor detail: when the character reflects that we are all "a little paranoid", precisely paranoia would not be the best way to characterize what happens to him. Mania, which is mentioned later and is more general, or obsessive compulsive behavior, might be better at that point in the text.
I stayed, after reading your story, thinking about this other , by Paul Auster, which I don't know if you know. If not, I recommend it: you will be surprised by the way in which an important motif in your story leads to an endearing moment similar to yours, but in a totally different way. We need good-feeling stories that aren't sentimental or cheesy, so it's worth continuing to walk on that proverbial wire. A story in which something similar happens, but with a very different ending in tone, is this other , by Azorín .
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future endeavors.
Thank you very much for your comment, Alberto.
Above all, I thank you for having analyzed it so thoroughly and for the advice you have given me, and it fills me with joy to think that I have achieved that balance you are talking about, since it was one of the things that worried me when I presented the story, the making it too obvious and being corny. My intention was to leave the reader with a somewhat open feeling of mystery. Your words encourage me a lot to continue writing, it is something very beautiful, which I like to do, and your comment motivates me.
Greetings and thank you.
@albertochimal
10 comments
displayname4419852
That magic touch that you give to the story is very well done.
Congratulations.
See original
Hide original
displayname4739537
Congratulations! Although I knew in advance why to photograph the place, I read to the end because it is related in an interesting way.
See original
Hide original
displayname288567
Thank you very much for your words. It is very inspiring to know that my story has been able to reach the reader. @joseluisllugain
See original
Hide original
displayname288567
Thank you very much! I tried to make it as less obvious as possible but it is very difficult for the reader not to imagine that there is a hidden story. Thank you for your comment, it encourages me to improve my narrative in the future. @ana_l_l_bentz
See original
Hide original
displayname4811917
Hi. Good afternoon. Very well written. The story was very entertaining, it kept my attention until the end. I would suggest checking the punctuation. I am impressed that some paragraphs are related but, nevertheless, you separate them with a full stop and that could cut the sequence of the reading. It's just a detail but I think it can improve the shape.
Congratulations!!
See original
Hide original
displayname288567
Thank you very much for your advice! I will review it, I think you may be right and the form is important to help reading comprehension. @alidomso
See original
Hide original
displayname5301079
Very nice story! It is a story that I found very tender and charming. I was thinking of various reasons why that portal but I never imagined the end you gave it. I loved.
As the only observation, I consider that in some parts of your text there are points and followed and points and apart from more; just one comma would be enough.
Congratulations on your work!
See original
Hide original
displayname288567
Thanks a lot! I'm glad you liked and intrigued you. And thanks for the tips.
@rebepersen
See original
Hide original
displayname1597321
Teacher PlusHello Angel. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I just read "The photo" and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
I stayed, after reading your story, thinking about this other , by Paul Auster, which I don't know if you know. If not, I recommend it: you will be surprised by the way in which an important motif in your story leads to an endearing moment similar to yours, but in a totally different way. We need good-feeling stories that aren't sentimental or cheesy, so it's worth continuing to walk on that proverbial wire. A story in which something similar happens, but with a very different ending in tone, is this other , by Azorín .
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future endeavors.
See original
Hide original
displayname288567
Thank you very much for your comment, Alberto.
Above all, I thank you for having analyzed it so thoroughly and for the advice you have given me, and it fills me with joy to think that I have achieved that balance you are talking about, since it was one of the things that worried me when I presented the story, the making it too obvious and being corny. My intention was to leave the reader with a somewhat open feeling of mystery. Your words encourage me a lot to continue writing, it is something very beautiful, which I like to do, and your comment motivates me.
Greetings and thank you.
@albertochimal
See original
Hide original
Log in or join for Free to comment