Greetings, Micaela, from Zacatecas capital, Mexico. His story seems to me of a court more similar to poetry, and its use of characters (A thoughtful first-person narrator) and chronological line are somewhat different, I think, from those of the story, especially the explicit structure proposed by the teacher Chimal. (I also took your course and if you wish, you can review my project, "Red Light", a "cursed" story, so to speak, which still presents some discrepancies to the theoretical framework of the course, but it seems to me that it is The subject was very interesting and I simply had to write that work and portray that environment) The extension also seems somewhat short to me, which is not very relevant since there may be very short stories, for example, "The Dinosaur" by Augusto Monterroso. Apart from that, the way in which his character presents his ideas seems very interesting to me and it is an excellent and very personal text. I send you a hug.
Thanks @javierdiazsantanamedrano ❤ I appreciate your feedback and the recommended stories. I chose this extension because I created it to potentially be an illustrated story. In the event that it occurs, I will share it here. Another hug for you from La Plata, Argentina!
Hello Micaela. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I have just read your final project and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
Reading the comment already made to you, I understand the intention of your narration, and although I must make the observation that it would have been better to be able to read the text already illustrated
(or at least with sketches or descriptions of the images that would you propose to do), the text seems to me sufficient to make at least some comments about its basic form.
The suggestion that your protagonist finally decides to take a step, and thereby discovers that he can make a mistake and in any case keep moving forward
(or at least that's how I interpret it) seems to me the most interesting thing in the story in its form Present. I am a little less convinced by what is said as a kind of moral at the end ("life is a unique journey, an eternal circulation in the direction of our will"), because the first part of the sentence is not expressed so clearly in the text, and because the second one seems a bit difficult to understand. I think that the words "in the sense of" in particular should be revised and modified. Does this part of the sentence mean that the journey of life has the meaning (or direction) that our will gives it? The underlying problem is, in fact, in a single letter: the preposition "a", because it can indicate both proximity proximity or adjacency as destination, and therefore introduces excessive ambiguity.
Another phrase that confuses me is this, which I understand as a thought of your protagonist because it is in italics: "I can't stay, the journey will continue even if I don't decide." What trip? You might think that it is the journey of life, that is, the passage of time and existence, understood through a metaphor related to movement, but precisely the text already deals with that metaphor, because your protagonist is afraid to move. When the same metaphor is invoked twice in this way, its meaning can be confused on both occasions.
I write down quickly: I focus so much on so few words not only because the story is so short, but because being of that length the precision of each chosen term weighs much more. That's why the mini-story
(which is formally the genre that comes closest to what you're doing) cares so much about the finer details.
@albertochimal thank you very much teacher for taking the time to read and give such a complete return of my writing!
The story was submitted to a call whose selected stories would be illustrated by art and design students. Fortunately, the story was accepted so, hopefully at the end of the year, I will be able to share by this means (always respecting copyright) the illustrated story :)
A hug ♥
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Greetings, Micaela, from Zacatecas capital, Mexico. His story seems to me of a court more similar to poetry, and its use of characters (A thoughtful first-person narrator) and chronological line are somewhat different, I think, from those of the story, especially the explicit structure proposed by the teacher Chimal. (I also took your course and if you wish, you can review my project, "Red Light", a "cursed" story, so to speak, which still presents some discrepancies to the theoretical framework of the course, but it seems to me that it is The subject was very interesting and I simply had to write that work and portray that environment) The extension also seems somewhat short to me, which is not very relevant since there may be very short stories, for example, "The Dinosaur" by Augusto Monterroso. Apart from that, the way in which his character presents his ideas seems very interesting to me and it is an excellent and very personal text. I send you a hug.
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Thanks @javierdiazsantanamedrano ❤ I appreciate your feedback and the recommended stories. I chose this extension because I created it to potentially be an illustrated story. In the event that it occurs, I will share it here. Another hug for you from La Plata, Argentina!
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Teacher PlusHello Micaela. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I have just read your final project and I am going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are made with the intention of helping you continue to improve your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what not, how much is recommended.
In case you don't know them, here are three examples of very short texts that use words with great precision to plot their arguments (and that do not necessarily contain such explicit morals): east of Nellie Campobello , this July Cortázar and this other by Kim Fupz Aakeson .
Maybe they can serve as examples to review your text.
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future endeavors.
@mica_asaff
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@albertochimal thank you very much teacher for taking the time to read and give such a complete return of my writing!
The story was submitted to a call whose selected stories would be illustrated by art and design students. Fortunately, the story was accepted so, hopefully at the end of the year, I will be able to share by this means (always respecting copyright) the illustrated story :)
A hug ♥
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