Hello Maria. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I just read your final project and I'm going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are done with the intention of helping you to continue improving your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what is not, of how much is recommended to you.
What I like most about your narration is your sense of humor. That it is black, very black, as is revealed in the conclusion, when Marisela and Lucho look at the camera and thereby break the illusion of reality of the story that the text was telling us. There are stories that do this today, but it is usually not with the intention of confronting the reader, and it does happen in your text.
Speaking of another topic, an observation, rather than a suggestion for improvement. In general, what are sometimes called "regionalisms" do not bother me, that is, words or turns of language that correspond to a certain place in the world that the speaker does not know. (The truth is that the label is applied in very arbitrary and sometimes prejudiced ways.) In the case of your text, it took me a couple of minutes to understand that the place where the action takes place is Colombia, but everything seemed much richer when I found online what the Transmilenio is like and what a UVR is. In the same way, details like the lovers talking about you and words like the old woman's "sumercé" give the story a very particular flavor that shouldn't be missed.
However..., there is only one detail that, perhaps, could be explained a little more, for the benefit of possible readers from outside Colombia. It is precisely the UVR. Once it is understood what they are, it is very clear that if Lucho should receive the amount that he processed in that currency, his purchasing power will be much less than what he and Marisela expected, thus worsening the predicament of both characters. This is important because it is at the heart of the main theme of the story, which is inequality. A few words might clarify the matter without making the passage seem forced.
In case you don't know them, in the list that follows I leave you links to three stories in which very precise details of time and space are shown in a very clear and understandable way. Perhaps they can serve as examples to review your text or write similar ones later.
@albertochimal I appreciate your careful reading and all the observations, I will take them into account in future writings, and of course I will review the suggested stories.
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displayname1597321
Professor PlusHello Maria. Thank you very much for entering the course and congratulations on completing it. I hope that what we saw has served you and continues to serve you.
I just read your final project and I'm going to leave you some comments. As I always say in these cases, even if some of the comments are not positive or do not focus on what interests you most in your own text, please do not take them the wrong way. Consider that they are done with the intention of helping you to continue improving your work, and that in any case they are optional. You decide what you find useful, and what is not, of how much is recommended to you.
What I like most about your narration is your sense of humor. That it is black, very black, as is revealed in the conclusion, when Marisela and Lucho look at the camera and thereby break the illusion of reality of the story that the text was telling us. There are stories that do this today, but it is usually not with the intention of confronting the reader, and it does happen in your text.
Speaking of another topic, an observation, rather than a suggestion for improvement. In general, what are sometimes called "regionalisms" do not bother me, that is, words or turns of language that correspond to a certain place in the world that the speaker does not know. (The truth is that the label is applied in very arbitrary and sometimes prejudiced ways.) In the case of your text, it took me a couple of minutes to understand that the place where the action takes place is Colombia, but everything seemed much richer when I found online what the Transmilenio is like and what a UVR is. In the same way, details like the lovers talking about you and words like the old woman's "sumercé" give the story a very particular flavor that shouldn't be missed.
However..., there is only one detail that, perhaps, could be explained a little more, for the benefit of possible readers from outside Colombia. It is precisely the UVR. Once it is understood what they are, it is very clear that if Lucho should receive the amount that he processed in that currency, his purchasing power will be much less than what he and Marisela expected, thus worsening the predicament of both characters. This is important because it is at the heart of the main theme of the story, which is inequality. A few words might clarify the matter without making the passage seem forced.
In case you don't know them, in the list that follows I leave you links to three stories in which very precise details of time and space are shown in a very clear and understandable way. Perhaps they can serve as examples to review your text or write similar ones later.
[*]"The House of the Estero" by Fernanda Melchor
[*]"Sweet nightmare, Abnel" by Mayra Santos Febres
[*]"Between the sky and the sea" from Ignatius Aldecoa
Once again I thank you and wish you luck and success in your future projects.
@Maria Leubro
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displayname212439
Plus@albertochimal I appreciate your careful reading and all the observations, I will take them into account in future writings, and of course I will review the suggested stories.
Thank you very much for this course!
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displayname1597321
Professor Plus@Maria Leubro On the contrary, thanks to you.
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