Grand Paternal Photography

Blog Excerpt from Agitprop Issue Five - 2020

I really wanted to revisit some of my story during the lockdown, and a major part of my upbringing that I find amazing that no one knows is that I grew up in a church. I actually lived in the church my grandad ministered at, so I had a major part of my upbringing that has been surrounding taking my grandma and great aunt every Sunday, to Christmas things to actually where I lived. People don’t expect LGBT creators to have any connection with Christianity, and I think that it’s just really strange. Most criticism that people find, is with the organization itself because the people are for the most part, not psychos that hate anyone different. The basis of going to church for a lot of older people is a sense of community, and there are some definite guiding elements but overall people within the UK don’t sit there preaching at the difference. It’s an extreme that is sadly part of the miscommunication of what churches are, which I think is why instead of being markets of enterprise and communal support, which they used to be, they’ve become relics and imposing, empty places.

I have no judgment on what religions people choose to study or worship, I send love out into spiritual seekers in all their forms. But my experience of tolerance, encouragement, respect for others, and optimism came from my grandparents and their participation in churches. For everyone who’s been a victim of the misuse of that structure, my heart goes out to you because there’s been a huge amount of homophobia and transphobia displayed by fear-driven individuals under the guise of a religious organization and it’s totally wrong.

For this Issue, I wanted to create something where I have no makeup on, I didn’t want to do something that took me to a new character but I wanted to wear as minimal makeup as would be suitable for a photo and pull my hair back. Do I want my hair to be shaven on each side and pulled back? Not really, I’d like it to be longer but I’m waiting for it to grow, and this is where we’re at. Do I want a beard? Fuck, no. But this is where we’re at. So it’s about braving my uncomfort and sharing more of the person behind the name.

When I created the first images below, they were hitting the right light that I admire about chiaroscuro paintings, so I then moved through different setups to feel out what worked. I really loved the feeling like I was being lit by an overhanging church window and I used a coat I had to synthesize wings. I then took some basic headshots and when I went to visit the images in post-production, I was like… this is something that I could play with further. So I experimented with overlays and renaissance paintings of saints, with the golden halo, and out of nowhere the eye went green and it just was a sign that it was the right direction, it was a continuation to the prior images I had done for Issue Three. So I’m really happy with the symbolism and the way in which the light and overlays show a little bit about the symbolism of where I came from, and I hope you love them too! This issue is going to be about health, using what we have, and abolishing internal walls. I hope you like it and enjoy the pages.