Hi Lorena! I hope everything will be just fine. Thank you for sharing your final year project, which I really enjoyed. You handle the story very well and it shows, it allows us to enjoy the story without that fear that sometimes gives the public that the narrator is going to forget something. Security in the plot is essential, and for that you have to have told the story many times and be very clear about the nuclei. In short, it shows that you are the owner of time and history while you are telling. Your voice is very pleasant to hear and your gaze is always on the public (in this case, the camera. Don't forget to look into people's eyes when you are in person with the public). In body terms, you appear confident and calm, although your hands may be very central most of the time, clasping together. When you open them, the story grows. If you don't need them, try so that they don't always go to the same position (in the middle, coming together). It also happened at some point that they were somewhat uncoordinated, like when you say that Caracúlico had a "frown" -note that when you're saying "frown", your hands, which come from the forehead, come together in the center. In "puckered" they should have continued on the forehead, much more considering that it is a word that not all children know. But they are very minor details to work on.
About the story, which I saw that it is yours, I think it works very well orally, although it seems to me that the first part, when you describe Caracúlico, could be much more playful and fun. We get excited about the description when you depict him waving or when he says to turn down the music, but it is very brief and his transformation is therefore too soon. If we go to the structure, we have a precarious balance (Caraculic is heavy), where the triggering incident seems somewhat random (spring begins to convert it). I would wonder why that happened that year and not the year before. Later, in his journey of transformation (the dream) he no longer behaves like a pest, and that weakens the plot. In other words, we see him transformed long before his final tantrum as a child. I don't know, the plot is good and the character unforgettable, but in my opinion the structure falls a bit because of what I'm telling you about. Beyond that, and returning to orality, I would look for a way to engage the public with more situations in which Caracúlico shows us what he is like before his journey of transformation. And at these moments, you can bring out a little more of the histrionics that you can tell you have, but that seems very contained in this narrative.
I loved your way of narrating! I think you have everything to be a great storyteller. I recommend you look for popular tales to tell, whose ancient structures help the story flow like water, and thus it is easier to find your own storytelling voice.
That of the histrionics surely I contained it in the narration. It was not easy for me to narrate to a camera. When you are in front of children it is so much easier because somehow the comments are inspiring> Without a doubt I have to read more traditional tales and I have a lot to learn.
@andrescuentero And the last thing: I wanted to tell you that your course is very inspiring and clear. I appreciate having done it, it made me want to keep exploring.
@lorenauna I'm glad the comments have served you! And thank you very much for your words about the course, it makes me very happy. I hope you continue on this path; In Uruguay there are few storytellers and I would say that there is still a lot to do.
a hug!
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Insegnante PlusHi Lorena! I hope everything will be just fine. Thank you for sharing your final year project, which I really enjoyed. You handle the story very well and it shows, it allows us to enjoy the story without that fear that sometimes gives the public that the narrator is going to forget something. Security in the plot is essential, and for that you have to have told the story many times and be very clear about the nuclei. In short, it shows that you are the owner of time and history while you are telling. Your voice is very pleasant to hear and your gaze is always on the public (in this case, the camera. Don't forget to look into people's eyes when you are in person with the public). In body terms, you appear confident and calm, although your hands may be very central most of the time, clasping together. When you open them, the story grows. If you don't need them, try so that they don't always go to the same position (in the middle, coming together). It also happened at some point that they were somewhat uncoordinated, like when you say that Caracúlico had a "frown" -note that when you're saying "frown", your hands, which come from the forehead, come together in the center. In "puckered" they should have continued on the forehead, much more considering that it is a word that not all children know. But they are very minor details to work on.
About the story, which I saw that it is yours, I think it works very well orally, although it seems to me that the first part, when you describe Caracúlico, could be much more playful and fun. We get excited about the description when you depict him waving or when he says to turn down the music, but it is very brief and his transformation is therefore too soon. If we go to the structure, we have a precarious balance (Caraculic is heavy), where the triggering incident seems somewhat random (spring begins to convert it). I would wonder why that happened that year and not the year before. Later, in his journey of transformation (the dream) he no longer behaves like a pest, and that weakens the plot. In other words, we see him transformed long before his final tantrum as a child. I don't know, the plot is good and the character unforgettable, but in my opinion the structure falls a bit because of what I'm telling you about. Beyond that, and returning to orality, I would look for a way to engage the public with more situations in which Caracúlico shows us what he is like before his journey of transformation. And at these moments, you can bring out a little more of the histrionics that you can tell you have, but that seems very contained in this narrative.
I loved your way of narrating! I think you have everything to be a great storyteller. I recommend you look for popular tales to tell, whose ancient structures help the story flow like water, and thus it is easier to find your own storytelling voice.
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@andrescuentero thank you very much for this detailed feedback. I deeply appreciate it. A hug from Uruguay. See you soon
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That of the histrionics surely I contained it in the narration. It was not easy for me to narrate to a camera. When you are in front of children it is so much easier because somehow the comments are inspiring> Without a doubt I have to read more traditional tales and I have a lot to learn.
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displayname12359065
@andrescuentero And the last thing: I wanted to tell you that your course is very inspiring and clear. I appreciate having done it, it made me want to keep exploring.
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displayname9920345
Insegnante Plus@lorenauna I'm glad the comments have served you! And thank you very much for your words about the course, it makes me very happy. I hope you continue on this path; In Uruguay there are few storytellers and I would say that there is still a lot to do.
a hug!
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